Jerry, you need to find god
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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