I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
