i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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