Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
