I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
