I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Holy shit dude........stairs
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