Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
