Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
