the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
