If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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