Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
