Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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