TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
