Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
