I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
