im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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