never play flip cup with pint glasses
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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