i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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