Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
