Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
