and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
