I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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