we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
