Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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