talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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