I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
