What did we do last night that was yellow?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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