i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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