I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
