that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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