just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
