If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
