just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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