At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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