Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
