he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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