Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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