just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
