I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
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