are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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