I'm going to rape someone's good day.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
