Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
