miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
