I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
