she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
