awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
