what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
