i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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