I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
