My friends, they love my intelligence
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
