hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
