I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
