p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
