12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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