I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
