oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
