Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Randomize
