Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
