I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
