Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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