this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
