Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
