help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
