i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
