We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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