By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
