I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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