wakey wakey hands off snakey
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
