I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize