the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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