I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize