I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
